LONG JOKES AND PARABLE'S

Download or read book LONG JOKES AND PARABLE'S written by CLEM KADIDDLE-HOPPER and published by Xlibris Corporation. This book was released on 2011-05-23 with total page 101 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: I was born into a large family of six many years ago at a very young age when butter (If you could afford it) was wrapped in paper, margarine didn't exist, groceries came from the shop in bulk, wrapped by the shopkeeper in brown paper, butchers paper or tissue paper which were later cut into squares and placed on a nail in the outside dunny. Plastic supermarket bags were unheard of; in fact, supermarkets were unheard of. I can remember the sides of bacon hanging from a hook on the ceiling and the shopkeeper used a long stick with a hook on the end to get them down to cut the bacon off in a slicing machine. Clem was born before television, faxes, polio shots, penicillin, frozen foods, photocopiers, plastic, contact lenses, fibre optic cable and the pill. Before credit cards, split atoms, Radar, laser beams and ball point pens. Before dishwashers, pantyhose, clothes dryers, micro-wave ovens, electric blankets, air conditioners, play stations, Nintendo, x-boxes, no video at all and definitely no 100 channels on cable TV....and before man walked on the moon. We got married first and then we lived together. We made do with what we had and we were the last generation who were naive enough to think you needed a wife to have a baby. How quaint can you be? In our time, closets were for clothes, not coming out of. Bunnies were small rabbits, not big girls And lemons were pieces of fruit not dud cars. Designer Jeans were scheming girls named Jean and having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Fast food was what you ate during Lent. And outer space was the back of the outdoor dunny. Before Day-care Centres, group therapy and suntan parlours. Well before we heard of FM radio, Tape decks, VCR's, electronic typewriters, Heart transplants, word processors, personal computers, mobile phones, yoghurt and guys wearing earrings. Time-sharing meant togetherness. We always had plenty of friends. We went out side and found them. We played cricket, football, chases and some time it really hurt. We fell out of trees, fell over, got cut, broke bones, chipped teeth and best of all there were no lawsuits from any of our accidents simply because it was our own stupid fault and nobody was to blame but us. A chip was a piece of wood. Hardware meant hammers and nails and software wasn't even a word. Grass was mown, coke was a cold drink and pot was something you cooked in. Rock music was a grandma's lullaby and aids were helpers in the headmaster’s office. Way back in those early days we were lucky to survive. Our baby cribs were covered in brightly coloured in lead based paint. There were no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinet’s and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets to wear, not to mention the risks we took when hitchhiking. When we were children, we rode in cars without seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of an old Ute on a warm day was always a special treat. In those days, we drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We ate cakes, bread and butter and drank cordial with sugar in it, but we were very seldom over weight because we were always outside running around and playing. We shared cordial with all our friends from the same bottle and nobody actually died from this. We would spend hours and hours making Billy carts out of any old scraps we managed to find around the place then race down the hill, only to find that we did not have any brakes to stop. After running into the scrub a few times we managed to over-come that problem. We would leave home in the early hours of the morning and play all day as long as we were home when the streetlights came on. No body really knew where we were all day. There were no such things as electronic calculators that fitted inside your pocket; they did addition on their fingers. To subtract, they had some of their fingers amputated. Wouldn’t be nice to be back there again? My family was so poor my mothe